i remembered...

uhuuu.. realize i haven't been updating this since.. wow.. 2 months ago.. the first one month, i was in johor bahru.. telling everybody i have course to attend in JB.. but actually all I wanted to was to take care of ayah.. but it never happened.. he passed away 12 hours after I arrived in JB ready to be his 'nurse'..

then, i have doubts whether to stay or to go back to Shah Alam.. abang and akak really wanted me to stay to take care of emak while she's recovering from sadness, ardi said up to me.. after much thought, i stayed for a month.. well to exact for 6 weeks..

when ayah final moment, i was the only real person who was beside him, i was the one who feed him his final drinks with air zam-zam, i remembered he asked emak to go and pray solat Zuhur, i remebered he was sweating like rain but his body was really cold, i remembered when anisah was trying to drink his air zam-zam and he looked at anisah to hold her, but if i knew that was his final moment, i will let an isah played with him for a while, instead i pulled anisah away, i remembered when he told me he can't see a thing, 'GELAP', that's what he said, i switched on the lights and he said it's still dark, i remembered when i tried to give him more air zam-zam, he asked me to stop and he hugged me really hard although early that morning he can't even hold a piece of tissue, i remembered when everybody asked to move away so that he can stretch out his leg, i tried but he kept hugging me, at last i pulled away, we laid him down on the floor, i remembered when i tried to massage him, my uncle said no, i remembered seeing emak was kissing his face over and over to wake him up, i remembered i called abang and akak to tell them to come back as soon as possible (abang had appointment with contractor and akak send our cousin to hospital, that's why i feed him).. i remembered when akak arrived, she was stunned, i remembered when abang arrived, he felt on his knees, i remembered when ee called i can hear his voices were crying, i remembered when i called ardi to come back a.s.a.p with boy (my brother-in-law), i remembered when the dr said he may still alive and asked us to bring to the hospital, i remembered when mak said no when the ambulance had arrived, let him died peacefully, i remembered when the man were showering his final bath, i remembered when they wore him his last clothes, i remembered when we had to kiss him final goodbye, even anisah did that, and we waied for his in-laws (ardi and boy) to arrive for their final kiss, then i remembered we prayed him for the very last time, i remembered when they brought him down and finally put him in the van to his final resting place, i didnt go to the kubur (had period) and accompany mak... that was our final goodbye to him... i know that event will always fresh in mind... and i will always remember ayah...